Unexpected Gifts. Connections.
So first let me thank you guys for your response to my January newsletter and side note can we call it something cooler than a newsletter? I was surprised at how many emails of encouragement I got that I didn’t know what to do with myself except keep up with the shift of just being raw and not attempting to be so polished on social media or in these emails. One of my goals for the year is to send out an email the first Monday of each month with peeks behind the scenes, studio updates, special launches, etc. but February’s email proved to be even harder to write than January’s.
Let’s start with an unexpected obstacle….I got the flu and was completely wiped out the last week of January which is when I had planned on penning this epic letter to all of you (yes, I’m being sarcastic.) Needless to say the it didn’t get written but I gave myself some grace and didn’t focus on my self imposed deadline. I thought a lot about what I wanted to say and nothing really came to mind except writing about how sometimes our plans are thwarted by real life blah blah blah. Just thinking about it bored me to tears so I tabled it and continued to plug along on my latest piece for my private collection. I put the last strokes on her last weekend, behind schedule but I was so happy with how she turned out. That’s her up top.
So I started a new piece and worked on commissions last week and still had nothing to say for this email but I absolutely refused to force it. At one point I thought about skipping this month entirely, I mean, would you have noticed? Are any of you waiting anxiously by your phone for this to come through? But I would have been really disappointed in myself if I had so I let that option go.
Yesterday morning while waiting for my second cup of coffee to brew I was casually scrolling through my photos on my phone and I scrolled past a photo of me with my dad. Without much thought about why I decided to share the story on my Instagram story of how I came to have the photo and by the time I was done I knew exactly what I wanted to say here. So let me rewind to the history of the photo.
On Facebook I recently found an old friend of my parents from the 70’s, my mom had lost touch with her after we had moved to New Jersey and my father passed away from pancreatic cancer when I was three years old. I messaged her to see if it was actually her and I got no response, so I figured it wasn’t and didn’t give it much thought again. A few weeks later I was tagged in several pictures of her’s and when I clicked on one, I discovered she had posted 15 photos that I had never seen before from my very early childhood and even of my parents before they had me and my brothers. Each photo was better than the last and I felt tears fall from cheeks before I was even conscious that I was crying. I felt a heat in my chest that filled me up in a way I can’t explain with words. But it was a good feeling so if you are feeling bad for me right, please don’t, I appreciate it but don’t. One of my friends commented on my Instagram story yesterday and said “…photos bring so much of everything.” and I think this is beautiful way to wrap up these feelings and the rest of what I’m about to say. This was an amazing experience for obvious reasons but it also has a clear connection to my work…
When I get commissions from clients to paint images of people who have passed away I feel honored to be able to create a new image of a person for my clients since there will never be another photo of their loved one taken. It’s sort of like that person is living on in something brand new and I absolutely love that I am able to create that image. And now out of no where I really connect with why this means so much to me. I have very few photos of my dad and I or of my dad in general and I never expected to see another new one, ever. But I guess the universe has a way of surprising us.
These photos were a gift for some many reasons. Obviously I treasure them as his daughter but as an artist they also made me realize why I cherish being able to paint portraits of client’s loved ones who have passed. Sometimes it’s really hard to paint some of those commissions especially when the story is particularly tragic but I fully recognize the honor that comes with being both asked to create these pieces but also my ability to do so. And I guess my hope is that like my friend Stephanie said “…photos bring so much of everything” I hope that my work brings so much of everything to the recipients of the finished piece too.
I’m not sure how I want to wrap this up, it was way more than intense and emotional than I ever anticipated these monthly emails would be…but I will say like I have said a zillion times over, I’m thankful for my ability and the hard work it has taken me to get here and I’m grateful that you continue to trust me with these valuable pieces. And I want you to know that I never take any of it for granted. And of course thank for you patience…both in finding this in your inbox over a week late but also in reading all the way through this one, I know it was a long one.
So until March…
Cheers!
Catherine
Well, that sucked…
Lesson learned over the past 2 weeks….even the best laid plans can implode. I was on a role, I had everything scheduled to a T, I was meeting daily and weekly goals and I was feeling really good. Until I wasn’t, feeling good that is. I had the flu, in fact if you follow me on Instagram you’re so sick of hearing about how I had the flu that you want to tear your hair out.
So I won’t get into the horror show that I was but I will tell you it put me seriously OFF schedule and it has been so hard getting my energy back even now that most of the symptoms have faded that I can barely paint. My brain wants to but my body is like “Yeah, no. We are not doing this now.” So I’m taking a break and letting myself rest. I’m not even making plans or do any administrative work for the business which would be typical of me…I’ve always felt if my body can’t work my brain will. But I really can’t keep operating like that. So for now I’m resting everything, my body and my brain.
I’ve actually found myself buying into “self care.” Now don’t get me wrong…I’m all about the concept of it but I’m so sick of hearing people talk about “self care” that I want to tear MY hair out. I don’t give myself face masks and treat myself to manicures…I need to just do absolutely nothing. No cooking, no laundry (sorry family) everyone in my house is old enough to fend for themselves for a bit. I just need to rest when I can and watched mind numbing TV. Because that’s what my version of self care looks like. No pressure to keep moving. No worrying about the fact that I’m not moving. Just being still.
So all I can say at this point is get the flu shot. You don’t know how great it is until you miss it and suffer the consequences.
Catherine
My Top Summer Goal
Goals are good right? Truth…I don’t really do the whole goal setting thing or the Whole new Year’s resolution thing at the start of the year. But this is different. This goal isn’t about sacrificing something like carbs to lose weight or something horrible like that. It’s not about doing something that’s generally unpleasant or not fun but leads to a greater good. No, this goal is very very different…it’s only about good things.
Before we get to the goal you need some perspective. Last year on my dad’s birthday, June 16, I skipped my usual trip to the cemetery on that sunny morning and went to a rose garden instead. I wrote an Instagram post about it that will help clarify my thoughts on that day…and don’t worry, it’s not all sad, it’s actually a really good thing.
Today is my dad’s birthday, he passed when I was three years old from pancreatic cancer caused by Agent Orange poisoning from his service in Vietnam. When I woke up this morning I was going to make the hour plus drive to the cemetery, alone, to visit him. But as I drank my coffee and looked at the beautiful sunny day outside I realized I could sit alone in that cemetery and talk to him and tell him how much I missed him but if he could talk to me he’d probably tell me do something I enjoy to honor him instead.
So that’s what I did. I woke up my favorite partner in crime (my daughter) and told her we were going on an adventure and to get dressed. We drove to a rose garden I’d been wanting to visit for awhile; we talked and laughed like we do on long drives. And the roses didn’t disappoint..there were tons of varieties and colors. I took a billion photos for reference for future paintings. A lot of them were just passed their prime and that gave me inspiration for a new collection that seems really poignant for me right now. I lived because he can’t. I laughed because he can’t. I felt the sun shine on my face because he can’t. I literally smelled the roses because he can’t.
Essex County Rose Garden at Brookdale Park, Montclair, NJ
Willowwodd Arboretum, Chester Township, NJ
Essex County Rose Garden at Brookdale Park, Montclair, NJ
So as summer gets going I’ve decided to set a personal goal to visit at least ten rose/flower gardens. It’s important for my work but it’s also important for my mental health…getting outside in the sun is at the top of the list of things that lift my mood. And just thinking about the amount of reference photos I can take out ten gardens is something that makes my heart beat a bit faster.
Where am I going? Well, I have some spots that have been on my bucket list for a long time and I’m currently researching a few more. But I’ve made a tentative list below; some may change but we’ll see. I’ll update the list below if I make any significant changes.
The first visit will be to a peony garden as it’s peony season and it doesn’t last forever! I know they are some of the most popular flowers so get ready for a some serious eye candy.
The Rudolf W. van der Goot Rose Garden, Somerset, NJ
Willowwodd Arboretum, Chester Township, NJ
Essex County Rose Garden at Brookdale Park, Montclair, NJ
Peony’s Envy, Bernardsville, NJ
Essex County Rose Garden at Brookdale Park, Upper Montclair, NJ
The Rose Garden at Brooklyn Botanical Gardens, Brooklyn, NY
The Rudolf W. van der Goot Rose Garden, Somerset, NJ
Allentown Rose Garden, Allentown, PA
Van Vleck House and Gardens, Montclair, NJ
The Rose Garden at New York Botanical Gardens, The Bronx, NY
Willowwood Arboretum, Chester Township, NJ
Deep Cut Garden, Middletown, NJ
Reeves-Reed Arboretum, Summit, NJ
Cheers!
Catherine
Blog Post Title Three
It all begins with an idea.
It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.
Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.
Blog Post Title Four
It all begins with an idea.
It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.
Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.