Unexpected Gifts. Connections.

So first let me thank you guys for your response to my January newsletter and side note can we call it something cooler than a newsletter? I was surprised at how many emails of encouragement I got that I didn’t know what to do with myself except keep up with the shift of just being raw and not attempting to be so polished on social media or in these emails. One of my goals for the year is to send out an email the first Monday of each month with peeks behind the scenes, studio updates, special launches, etc. but February’s email proved to be even harder to write than January’s.

Let’s start with an unexpected obstacle….I got the flu and was completely wiped out the last week of January which is when I had planned on penning this epic letter to all of you (yes, I’m being sarcastic.) Needless to say the it didn’t get written but I gave myself some grace and didn’t focus on my self imposed deadline. I thought a lot about what I wanted to say and nothing really came to mind except writing about how sometimes our plans are thwarted by real life blah blah blah. Just thinking about it bored me to tears so I tabled it and continued to plug along on my latest piece for my private collection. I put the last strokes on her last weekend, behind schedule but I was so happy with how she turned out. That’s her up top.

So I started a new piece and worked on commissions last week and still had nothing to say for this email but I absolutely refused to force it. At one point I thought about skipping this month entirely, I mean, would you have noticed? Are any of you waiting anxiously by your phone for this to come through? But I would have been really disappointed in myself if I had so I let that option go.

Yesterday morning while waiting for my second cup of coffee to brew I was casually scrolling through my photos on my phone and I scrolled past a photo of me with my dad. Without much thought about why I decided to share the story on my Instagram story of how I came to have the photo and by the time I was done I knew exactly what I wanted to say here. So let me rewind to the history of the photo.

On Facebook I recently found an old friend of my parents from the 70’s, my mom had lost touch with her after we had moved to New Jersey and my father passed away from pancreatic cancer when I was three years old. I messaged her to see if it was actually her and I got no response, so I figured it wasn’t and didn’t give it much thought again. A few weeks later I was tagged in several pictures of her’s and when I clicked on one, I discovered she had posted 15 photos that I had never seen before from my very early childhood and even of my parents before they had me and my brothers. Each photo was better than the last and I felt tears fall from cheeks before I was even conscious that I was crying. I felt a heat in my chest that filled me up in a way I can’t explain with words. But it was a good feeling so if you are feeling bad for me right, please don’t, I appreciate it but don’t. One of my friends commented on my Instagram story yesterday and said “…photos bring so much of everything.” and I think this is beautiful way to wrap up these feelings and the rest of what I’m about to say. This was an amazing experience for obvious reasons but it also has a clear connection to my work…

When I get commissions from clients to paint images of people who have passed away I feel honored to be able to create a new image of a person for my clients since there will never be another photo of their loved one taken. It’s sort of like that person is living on in something brand new and I absolutely love that I am able to create that image. And now out of no where I really connect with why this means so much to me. I have very few photos of my dad and I or of my dad in general and I never expected to see another new one, ever. But I guess the universe has a way of surprising us.

These photos were a gift for some many reasons. Obviously I treasure them as his daughter but as an artist they also made me realize why I cherish being able to paint portraits of client’s loved ones who have passed. Sometimes it’s really hard to paint some of those commissions especially when the story is particularly tragic but I fully recognize the honor that comes with being both asked to create these pieces but also my ability to do so. And I guess my hope is that like my friend Stephanie said “…photos bring so much of everything” I hope that my work brings so much of everything to the recipients of the finished piece too.

I’m not sure how I want to wrap this up, it was way more than intense and emotional than I ever anticipated these monthly emails would be…but I will say like I have said a zillion times over, I’m thankful for my ability and the hard work it has taken me to get here and I’m grateful that you continue to trust me with these valuable pieces. And I want you to know that I never take any of it for granted. And of course thank for you patience…both in finding this in your inbox over a week late but also in reading all the way through this one, I know it was a long one.

So until March…

Cheers!

Catherine